oh my god i need to be doing something else.

the gods are furious

first came the wind, the wind brought the darkness and the darkness brought the rain and it rained and blustered for three days in the dark, with the steadiness of a monsoon, and the winds were always there.
monsoons are quite unlike the raging storms i've seen here in the northeast. the monsoons i saw in asia impressed me first with the sheer volume of water dropped on the earth, and second with their resolute capacity to continue. the rains here are simply more stormy. there is a way the wind drives the warmth and contentedness out of you, whips rain so piercingly against your body as to imply a hatred and a vengeance. in thailand it was so humid one could never be dry, whether you came inside or the rain stopped outside, you were going to be sticky and damp. here it's not the wetness that stays with you, but the bitter cold. your comfort and kindness are devoured; those who are strong are left angry enough to rebuild their spirits. the rest are left withered and resigned. and this is the power of a real storm, that weather hates you for as long as it lasts until you can only rebel against it or fall beneath it.

this is the kind of weather we've been having the past few days. i think of all the suffering endured in these elements until lined coats and microfiber blankets, cars with heated seats were built in man's rebellion against the weather. because of their anger and industry i didn't even feel one one hundredth of the power of this past storm and still, it swept up my coat sleeves and down my neck, into my lungs and marrow and no amount of hours under blankets can take away the cold that has crept into my body.

the first snow

woke up this morning to the first wet snowfall of the year, it turned to rain later but this morning the snow settled in wispy piles like down feathers between the rhododendrons and in grey-blue crystalline clumps on the hemlock branches so that no one minded so much later when their feet got wet in the slosh.

sawadeeka from thailand

i've been in thailand about 2 months now.
spent the first month getting certified in TEFL in phuket so i can teach english here.
am no longer sure i want to teach english in thailand. am thinking about spending through the rest of my savings backpacking across mainland thailand. also i had dengue fever this week!

at the hop

well i won't stop
all of my pretending
that you'll come home
you'll be coming home
some day soon

put me in your blue skies,
put me in your grey
there's gotta be some way


farewell pennsylvania, family, friends, i'm off on a new adventure: australia or bust.

on fire

i think i found the burning bush in the delaware water gap yesterday.

suitcases

bought suitcases yesterday, am packing them today; feel as though i have been sitting in a waiting room for two months. it is time to go.

hiking, and stuff!

pictures taken in the delaware water gap area:

leaf on rock

view of the deerhead inn from inside lou's kitchen


appalachian trail staircase

matt and i feasted on these raspberries


lesson learned: always bring a pail when hiking in midsummer


the dwg looks like a rainforest near lake lenape

corey and i found this purple mushroom on our way back from cliff diving

this is where we go cliff diving.

paintings in a cave

this is our bridge, where we could hang out and no one would know that we were they and what we were doing which was mostly to drink wine coolers and talk, but the privacy seemed so devastatingly important back then.

hmm this looks scary.


yes this is exactly as scary as we thought it would be; also it is hard to climb this ladder carrying a sixpack and a flashlight wearing flip flops thinking about how horror movies always begin with young energetic folks deciding to explore dark weird places.


okay, through the looking glass.


finally it's not scary.

a trip to the amusement park

sodbileg stayed with my family for a few days this summer while between jobs. it was his greatest wish to go to an amusement park and ride some big american roller coasters before he left us, and i was elected to take him to dorney. this turned out to be sooo much fun.


roller coaster


giant gumball machine


carousel!


steel force


rawr!


swings!

i love you pennsylvania, but i think i am allergic to you.

my allergies aren't so bad in the morning, but the tickle in my sinuses only gets more obnoxious, and my throat gets so sore that swallowing bothers my ears; eventually the edges of my eyelids itch as though i'm wearing poison ivy for eyeliner. i hold off as long as i can, but in the late afternoon i give in and take allergy medication. my eyes don't itch but i'm discombobulated and painfully tired. my inability to figure out or do anything frustrates me so i try to nap but i can't fall asleep because my heart is racing and my nerves are twitching and something vague is bothering me. eventually the confusion and anxiety subside and my body is calmed by an immobilizing hopelessness that washes over me.
i have tried 4 different kinds of allergy medicine; i wouldn't describe any of them as a 'relief'.

on the road

We left the Colorado foothills at midnight on a Tuesday; and we sped across the Great Plains in the dewy morning; over Virginia's Blue Ridge Mountains, sparkling and alive with fireflies, then out to the sandy dunes of North Carolina's Outer Banks to rest our tired heads. Two thousand miles in thirty-six hours; stopped twice but no tickets.

Naturally, we screamed Bright Eyes lyrics into the Nebraskan sunrise Wednesday morning.

We tried to nap in Lincoln, and wait to meet my friend Stephanie, but the road was calling us and we could not wait.

So on we drove, until we reached North Carolina, at noon on Thursday.

We swam and sunbathed, drank gin and tonics to keep cool during the hottest hours of the afternoon. At night we drank whiskey and wine and the darkness swallowed us because no moon came out. We lived like kings for two days then piled back into the car, in which, sun roof open, we headed north, across the churning Chesepeake, and through the quiet states of Maryland and Delaware, finally, finally, to be home in Pennsylvania.